Body Image

What is body image? How do we perceive our bodies? How does everyone else perceive our bodies? What makes any one opinion or perception better or worse than the other?

There really isn’t equal ground on this topic. It depends on how you grew up, your culture, your beliefs, and so many other factors. I believe pop culture and the media play a big role in how we perceive ourselves and how we THINK we should look.

I grew up as the "fat" kid. I was the victim of teasing and taunting from numerous little shits on the playground. Thunder thighs, fatty, 4 eyes, bla, bla, bla. As you get older, you learn not to worry about what people think and you don’t let it affect you as much (or so you think). However, as a child those cruel words stay with you, for ever. I’m 49 and my stomach still turns when I remember those tauntings.

I can’t even count how many times I said I would go on a “diet” or eat better tomorrow. Too many times to count or mention. If it exists, I’ve tried it. I even starved myself when I was 13 (for a month! And ran the block 4-5 times a night to try and shift the "fat")

Looking back on pictures, I don’t quite understand why I was bullied. Because kids are just mean, evil little trolls? Because they are insecure and pick on the weaker ones? I don’t know.

I was not huge. I was not obese. I was not ugly. Ok, maybe I went through the awkward, ugly duckling phase for a few years around 4th grade . . . even my own mother didn’t give out my school pics that year. LOL. Seriously, she says she forgot. What ever mum!!!!

Anyways, back to body image. It really does toy with our heads. We tend to think it’s worse than it is. However, there was a point in time where I gained a ton of weight in a short period of time. I’m talking almost 25kg over the summer after high school. My highest weight was around 140kg!!!!

I was in complete denial. I just stopped wearing all my favourite clothes because I wanted to. Right. I started wearing stretchy everything because it’s comfortable. Right. Who was I kidding?

I don’t share this pic with many. It’s embarrassing but this is me back during those 140kg days. I’m putting myself out there for all my readers because I hope I can help or inspire someone else.

I had PCOS which didn't help my weight and naturally being heavy didn't help my PCOS, but it wasn't until I had a miscarriage and subsequent Hysterectomy that I pulled my head in..

That put me in check. And I’m still on the path of learning and changing a lifetime of bad habits. I have come to terms that I will always be this way but I can control it.

Think about it. An alcoholic can never stop thinking about not drinking. When we struggle with our weight, we have to focus each day and create a game plan on how we are going to deal with it. Otherwise, we end up back in the same place we started at. It really is an addiction. An addiction we cannot live without! We have to eat!

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I still see that 140kg woman. The one that literally felt awful and miserable. Then other times I see a picture of myself and realise that I have cheekbones and a jaw line again and that I’m not that girl. I’m still not physically where I want to be but I’m getting there and I’m a hell of a lot closer than I have been in years.

I tried on my old size 14 jeans last night and holy moly they fit!!! Now, they won’t button but they fit. I know if I’m back in those size 14’s that I’m not the huge person that I still see in my head. I’m still a work in progress and that’s ok. I feel good and I know I’m making changes and that is what is important. Something I never got before. This isn’t temporary.

Body image is a tricky topic and one that we have to work at constantly. It’s about conditioning our psyche not our body. It’s about changing our thoughts as we change our eating habits. It’s about accepting our flaws and loving our perfections too.

It’s a constant journey and experience, but as is life, right?

“Someone else's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”